Draco Malfoy and his Handy Dandy iPhone
by Sapphire Snowflake
Summary: Draco discovers the perks of living like a Muggle: technology.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter franchise nor the Apple Franchise, nor any of the other franchise thingies I included here. This was written for fun and no money was made from it, just a few laughs and more eye rolls.**_

_**AN: Don't crucify me just because I'm not following the canon timeline (1991-onwards) by including an iPhone and other technological advances in here (which obviously weren't existing during those years).**_

_**On another note, I should feel bad for posting this without asking anyone to beta it. So if anyone is interested in being my beta, I'd really appreciate it. **_

_**o0o**_

**Draco Malfoy and his Handy Dandy iPhone**

**By Sapphire Snowflake**

_**o0o**_

**Chapter 1: In which Draco Malfoy buys his first cellular phone.**

_"So where are we going again?"_

_"We're going to Maplin."_

_"Maplin?"_

_"It's an electronics store."_

_"Are we going to buy that 72-inch flat screen thing I saw on the commercial?"_

_"No. You already have a telly."_

_"So why are we going to an electrics store then?"_

_"Electronics. And we're going to buy you a cellular phone."_

_**o0o**_

Part of Draco Malfoy's sentence was to immerse himself in Muggle culture. The Wizengamot thought this might be able to help clear up his prior impressions towards Muggles and have a better understanding of Muggleborns and half-bloods to make him see that Purebloods are in no way superior to anyone just because of their blood.

It was difficult at first, Draco reminisced. He remembered gritting his teeth and biting his tongue to avoid saying something nasty as Kingsley told him that Hermione Granger would be supervising his probation. There had been some screaming matches, hexing (on Hermione's part since he's not allowed by law to fire them), storming offs and pleadings (on Draco's part since he doesn't actually want to go to Azkaban for not completing his probation requirements). Draco had learned a lot of things since his probation's commencement four months ago: that muggles aren't barbarians, that they make lots of cool inventions, and that saying sorry goes a long way.

He also discovered that Hermione Granger – even though she's a grade A swot and annoying bint – is a person he couldn't say no to anymore. And that he fancies her. _'A bit.'_, he amended. So when she showed up in the Malfoy Manor with a glint in her eye and told him that they're going shopping for electronics in Muggle London, he couldn't get to the floo faster.

"So where are we going again?"

"We're going to Maplin."

"Maplin?"

"It's an electronics store."

"Are we going to buy that 72-inch flat screen thing I saw on the commercial?"

"No. You already have a telly."

"So why are we going to an electrics store then?"

"Electronics. And we're going to buy you a cellular phone. Now hush or I'll leave you in the tube."

Half an hour later of uncomfortable ride in Draco's distaste, they stood in front of a shop with several things that looked like miniature tellies. "What are those?", he whispered to Hermione as he subtly pointed at the objects.

"Those are cellphones. That's what we'll be shopping for today."

"Like a telephone?"

"Yes!", she beamed at him, pleased that he could still remember everything she taught about muggles.

He frowned, "I already have a telephone.". He was about to push the door open for her but was surprised when the glass doors pulled to the sides without them touching the doors. He stopped and gaped at where the doors went. Hermione pulled him inside, cheeks flushed.

"Stop gaping around, it's embarrassing. A cellular phone is wireless. You can take it anywhere you want. And it could do multiple tasks. Okay, let's start with this one." Hermione gestured to the glass case near the entrance. "Let's see… Okay, so this one is pretty compact and handy, 0.27 pounds in weight and is an octa-core. It has two gigabytes RAM and has a relatively good camera at 13 megapixels. I see you could also put in a microSD for extra –"

"Slow down Granger. My head is bursting from all that jargon."

"Shite, sorry. Okay. Octa-core is the type of processor. The processing unit will dictate the performance, so to speak, of your phone. Although I'm honestly not that much knowledgeable about these things and I don't think you really need to look for very high performance once. The RAM will dictate how many your phone can do multiple tasks at the same time before it starts slowing down."

"Okay. And I'd hazard that the higher number of MP it is, the better the camera?" He peered at the other cellular phones beside the one Hermione pointed out and observed that the higher the MP, the more expensive it is.

"Yes. That's basically the idea. Or well, it also depends on the manufacturing company. MP stands for megapixels."

"I see. So… which companies are on the top?"

Hermione pursed her lips. "I'm not telling you that. You have to consider all the specifications and not choose something because of the brand."

"You were saying something about a small SD?"

"A microSD. It's a storage chip. Basically lets you store more information."

"I see. So RAM, camera, storage – is that the memory mentioned here?" Hermione nodded in response. "So what else do I have to consider?"

"Display or the phone's resolution. But I think it's better if you try it and see how images look like. There are some samples we could try there," she pointed at the table with phones wired to it. "And the battery life. The higher the mAh value, the longer the power of your phone."

"Okay. I think I got it."

"Let's look around then." She tugged at his shirt slightly.

"No, uhh… I think I want to look around by myself first and ask you questions afterwards."

"Are you sure?"

He could just imagine the lengthy talk she would give him at each and every model as well as the curious stares of the Muggles around them. He could just hear them think, _Wow, look at that man. You reckon he hasn't seen a phone in his whole life? Did he live under the rock all these years?_ "Yes. I'm more of a hands-on person anyway." He winked at her.

She rolled her eyes. "I don't even want to know what you're referring to."

twenty minutes later, Draco pooped up beside her as she was looking at the various types of headphones and earphones and trying to discern what would be the best one to buy for Ron and Harry.

"That. I want that." He pointed to the glass cabinet at the corner of the store showcasing various iPhone units.

"Wow, you certainly went to one of the expensive brands. Did you even check the specifications? There are other cheaper ones that are waterproof for example."

"Oh, uh well. What do you expect Granger? I'm a Malfoy. We only want what's best. And why would I even make it wet?" His eyes widened as a thought crossed his mind. "Do you bring yours to the shower, Granger?" He asked incredulously.

"What? No! Of course not."

His eyes drifted to her cheeks that were now turning redder by the second. "You're lying. What would you need- wait. Were you taking pictures of yourself naked?"

"You idiot!" She muffled his mouth with her hands. "I like listening to music while relaxing in the bath," she hissed.

"You could listen to music using it? Is it a radio too?"

"Yes it can, and no, it's not exactly a radio. I'll tell it to you when we go back to your flat. Now shut up. You're embarrassing." Looking around, she let her hands fall to her sides. "Let's go buy it then, whatever your reason for choosing it. Excuse me! We'd like to see this one."

He wouldn't admit to her that he chose it solely because of the apple engraved at the back.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter franchise nor the Apple franchise or any other commercial/trademark stuff in here. This was written for fun and no money was made from it.

**Chapter 2: In which Draco Malfoy learns how to communicate with his new phone.**

o0o

"Know-it-all Granger. What are you, 12?" Hermione scowled at the smirking blonde as she held his newly bought phone in her hand.

"So I'll know it's you right away."

"And you can't just use my name?"

"Oh, I didn't know we're on a first name basis already."

She wanted to wipe the smug grin off his face. Giving in, she hit him with a throw pillow.

"Ow, you violent bint! Stop! That's the bloody zipper! Granger!"

"Bloody ferrety Draco."

"You know, if you want me to call you _Hermione_ that badly, you could just say so.", he smirked. This earned him another series of blows.

"I'm changing your caller ID to _'My father will hear about this'_."

"Sure." His grin widened when his unaffected reply only made her more irritated.

"Or maybe Bloody ferrety Draco is better."

"Whatever you want, doll."

She frowned at the moniker and decided to move on to other topics since getting angry seemed to spur Draco into making her angrier. Breathing deeply, she said, "Moving on... So, when someone calls you just click on this green button here to accept the call. Sometimes, random people call you for fraudulent reasons so if there's no caller ID, you could just push the red button to reject the call. Or press the red button again when you want to hang up from a call. Remember, don't give any pertinent information over the phone. There are a lot of scams out there."

"Yes mother, I'm not going to talk to strangers." He yelped when she pinched his arm, hard.

"Okay, let's try it." Hermione clicked at _Bloody Malfoy _and a ringing sound erupted from Draco's phone. He clicked the green button.

"Hullo."

"Hi Malfoy."

He grinned. "I can hear your voice from two directions. There's no escaping you now." He closed his eyes.

She rolled her eyes. "You're on parole, Malfoy. You can't escape even before this. Unless you want to rot in Azkaban."

"Wow, I never knew your voice could be sexy, when I can't see you that is."

"You're such a kid. Now try calling me."

His eyes glinted. "I can call you too?"

"Yes." Her eyes narrowed. "Don't get any ideas. It doesn't mean I'll answer. And I can block your calls you know."

He pouted but went ahead and clicked the necessary icons to call her.

"That was quick. I'm glad."

"I'm not like your ginger friend. I can read the manual." She huffed at the underlying mockery in his voice but couldn't exactly disagree. After all, it took him twenty minutes to teach Ron how to answer a call, let alone make one. "Anything else I need to know?"

"You could also send text messages. It's much better to send text messages if you only need short replies." She scooted closer to him and Draco relished the closeness between them. He resisted the temptation to lean closer and smell her hair and kiss her crown. There's another time and place to make his intentions known.

"Are you listening Malfoy?"

"Click on the bubblehead icon with the green background and type down or search for the recipient. Got it."

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion but let it go. "Okay. I think those are the basics. You could find out more by reading the manual. I need to go. Ginny's waiting for me in Diagon Alley."

"Hmm," he replied noncommittally, thoroughly absorbed by the manual on his hands.

She heaved a sigh and disapparated with a pop.

The moment that Draco heard a pop, he immediately dropped the manual to his side and tried formulating a text with two hands. It was trickier than he imagined, what with the letters on the _keypad_ seeming so small and making him press other neighboring characters. A few mistakes made him realize that Muggles were so brilliant in making an object capable of correcting mistakes. "How did it know what I want to say?" He muttered as word choices appeared above the keyboard when he typed _Have a_.

o0o

Hermione was having tea with Ginny when her phone beeped. She snorted into her drink when she read his message.

_Have a great day Ginger._

Ginny looked curiously at her. "Who's that?" She'd seen Harry and Ron use it often and came to know that the device could send messages like an owl.

"Someone who hasn't been introduced to autocorrect," Hermione smirked.

o0o

"_I didn't know you cared that much about Ronald. _'What's she playing at?" Draco read her text again and scrolled up. "I didn't type ginger!" Furious, he composed his reply.

_Did you jinx my iPhone?_

_I did not. The phone can guess what you're thinking._

_You're pulling my leg. _Draco frowned when he remembered his phone suggesting him words earlier. He got nervous when Hermione did not reply after a few minutes, so he texted her again. _Is it?_

_Is it what Malfoy?_

_Can it read my mind like a legilimens?_

_No Malfoy. Silly. Muggles don't have magic. I was just messing with you. It auto-corrects grammar and spelling. It doesn't recognize my name from the English language._

Draco heaved a relieved sigh. It was obvious from the name what auto-correct means. Draco thought it was pretty neat, but he would need to be more careful next time in case it changes the things he wanted to say. "It would've been nice to have autocorrect on my Hogwarts essays," he mused.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: In which Draco Malfoy discovers how neat voicemails are.**

"Sorry, I was in the shower when you called." He was fiddling with his iPhone, and barely looked at Hermione when she came in through his floo.

"No worries." Hermione sat at the couch opposite from where he was seating and stared at him with a mixture of irritation and awe. He was becoming addicted to the gadget. "I left you a voicemail actually." She said offhandedly.

"A voicemail? What's that?" He looked at her with rapt attention. He was very eager to know more about the wonderful invention of Muggles. _Damn, the Dark Lord was an idiot to think Muggles are nothing but brilliant, _he thought amusedly.

"It's a recorded message. When a person doesn't answer your call, you could leave them a recorded voice message to tell them why you're calling or ask them to call you back." She moved to sit beside him. "Here, let me show you how to do it." She tapped on the phone app and the voicemail button at the bottom right corner of the screen. Pressing play, she held the phone to his ear. He shivered as her forefinger touched his cheek near his ear.

"_Hello Draco? Raincheck today. Something came up at the Ministry and I need to fix some idiot's mistakes. Sorry! See you next week. Bye."_

"That's very convenient. And I'm scared for that idiot you mentioned. I hope he's still intact?"

"Let's just say he won't be skiving off to any closets for the next few years." She grinned evilly at him. "Anyway, I need to go. Are you done with your essay?"

Part of Draco's probation was to write a four-feet essay every week on the things that he learned about Muggles and the similarities and differences between them and their lifestyle with that of magical people. He would've scoffed at the task before. Now however, upon discovering all the amazing inventions Muggles have to make up for their lack of magic, writing the essays were interesting. It certainly made him think of all the possible inventions he could do once he's allowed to go back to work. He wanted to start a new company free of any previous Malfoy influence and envisioned adapting some Muggle practices in regard to making inventions.

"Yes," he replied and handed her the parchment.

"Great. I'll see you in three weeks."

"Three weeks?"

"I have a conference in France starting tomorrow."

"So what am I going to do while you're gone?"

"I'm not your mother, Draco. Do whatever you want as long as its within the law. Tinker with your iPhone or something. Anyway, I really have to go."

"But –"

Hermione vanished in a sea of green flames.

o0o

On Day 1, Draco realized that he was too absorbed in analyzing how the auto-correct works and listing all the sentences it seemed to predict he would type to notice that he had not talked to Hermione that much. Now that she'll be gone for a couple of weeks, regret started setting into Draco. He wondered if this happened to Muggles too: that the very device they invented to connect people together also distracted people from communicating with each other personally.

That day, Draco decided to write an essay on how cellular phones can serve as bridges and walls between people.

o0o

On Day 2, Draco decided to take his cooking to the next level to distract himself from the emptiness of his apartment. He had only tried making simple dishes before; just enough to feed himself without having to depend on house elves and food deliveries. His chicken provençale was quite good and he managed to salvage some of the burnt souffle he made. He was able to make a perfect stuffed pizza on Day 6. However, there was no one around to share his successes with.

o0o

On Day 7, Draco had had enough and dropped Hermione a text. He waited a day for her reply but nothing came.

o0o

On Day 8, he tried calling her but a random woman answered the call and kept telling him no matter what he asked that Hermione could not be reached at the moment. No amount of polite requesting her to hand the phone to Hermione worked.

He was feeling miserable by Day 9.

o0o

On Day 10, he was fiddling with his iPhone and absentmindedly clicked the buttons Hermione was telling her about the other day (He was not paying that much attention because of the auto-correct mystery so he couldn't remember what it was about.) when he suddenly heard Hermione's voice.

"_Hello Draco? Raincheck today. Something came up at the Ministry and I need to fix some idiot's mistakes. Sorry! See you next week. Bye."_

It suddenly clicked and he remembered that it was a recorded voice mail from her a few days ago. He pressed his ears tightly towards his phone and listened to every lilt in her voice, her slightly annoyed and bossy tone and couldn't help but think of how much time he wasted investigating the stupid (brilliant) auto-correct that he could've spent talking to Hermione. (And seducing her in the process as a secondary goal.)

She called him Draco. And Merlin, her voice was doing things to him. "I miss you," he mumbled in reply to the playing voicemail on his ear.

That night, he fell asleep listening to her voice again (and again, and again).

o0o

**Author's Note: It's very awkward to write fanfiction inside the plane.**


End file.
